I hear such heavy foot steps lugging closer and closer to my room, I am not afraid because what ever is coming towards my room door I think will only set me free. Free from what you ask, hmmmm my dark, morbid
thoughts of not only just suicide but suicide in the worst most groutiest ways possible. Some say no one is worth your life and whilst this may be true there is another side to the f-ing coin, the side that shows you how much you invest into something, heart, soul, very essence of ones own life. Just as that coin’s side has been scratched, worn and scared is the very same way my suicide will happen, foot steps again, thump-thump-THUMP.
How can some people be so F-ING COLD!!!!!!! Not considering ones feelings, thump-THUMP-THUMP *SIGH* stay with me we don’t have much time. Where was I?? Oh! That’s right some cause so much pain and not even realizing the damage caused, the pain, the stress. Ones life is comprised of dreams, wishes, wants and needs, imagine having that CRUSHED right before your eyes, well that is just what happened to me. So that brings us her….THUMP-THUMP-THUMP sigh it’s here……..BANG-BANG-BANG.
It’s right outside my room door, I can hear it breathing, skips ever so often, I sit here with a razor in one hand and a Colt 45 in the other, should I? Am I too coward to f-ing take my own life, I think I am but why is that? Is it because I think there might be some…..BANG-BANG-BANG!! There might be some f-ing glimmer of hope, that light at the end of that long dark tunnel . There is no light for me, not now not NEVER. SMASH!!! So here I am face to face with all of my pain, my worries…………my death…….
What is this place?!....Hello! Anyone there?! God where am I? Just darkness all around me….. nothing or anything in sight, just damp and dark, not to mention cold. I think I’m in a cave of some sort but how and most importantly why….am I dead???. Oh finally!……there is a glimmer, a little sparkle, what is that? I think it’s someone with a flashlight, it seems to be approaching me, bobbing around as if that thing or person has to navigate through rubble, maybe stones or rocks anyhow I really don’t care as long as they’re friendly. As that light approaches me I’m thinking to myself “where is this place?” Drip-Drip-Drip as the walls around me cry tears of sorrow.
OW! My wrist hurts, burns so much as if it was on fire *sigh* God where am I? The light goes out…….SHIT! Complete darkness again……Hello! Are you ok?!? Please get up! I need your help…..One minute I’m locked in a room trying to fend of some beast and the next I’m in a dark, damp cave with a burning wrist. Thank God! The light rises once again as if possessed, either way it doesn’t matter as long as who or whatever it is comes and gives me a helping hand. As the light approaches once more I try to feel my wrist *sigh* I’m cut pretty bad however it feels as if there are stitches…….OW! Man It hurts! Drip-Drip-Drip…………
*Sigh* My life is filled with nothing but pain and sorrow, now I’m in some cave god knows where with some light approaching me ever so slowly. I’m in pain, I need help and it seems to be taking an eternity to get to me. I’m weak and tired, no strength what so ever to fight so I just lie in this damp spot with my eyes focused on that light coming towards me. Where ever I am has to be hell, I’m in pain and alone, I know for sure it can’t be heaven because I’ll be happy but right now I just don’t know what I am……………..
My heart races whilst my lungs fill with fresh air, what happened?? Was I asleep? Sigh, I’ve lost quite a bit of blood, as my sight comes into focus I see that light oh so close. I’m too weak to even call out for help either way that light is within ten feet of me. Gosh it is so dark, I think it’s someone but who and why the hell are they in this horrible place? I just lie back to gather what little strength I can…Drip-Drip-Drip
As I raise my head once more and look towards that light I can see the silhouette of what might just be a woman……but why?? Hello?! Who are you?! She comes running, “Oh my friend, who I am doesn’t matter right
now, you need help” Oh god thank you so much, where is this place? Why are you here? Why are there two birds on your shoulders???? “Please hold your arm out let me have a look…….oooooh that’s a pretty nasty
cut! Let me wrap it for you friend” Sigh you have no idea how thankful I am for your help………
“No thanks needed friend, for months the only friends I’ve had are these two beautiful doves, they’ve guided me through so much but it is finally good to have someone to talk to” Gosh they’re beautiful ! “Thanks!, One minute I’m in the hospital going through so much pain and the next minute I’m here in this place, of course that was months ago since I arrived and I’ve been searching for a way to get back home” Very similar to what happened to me, but why? “That I’ve been trying to figure out since, I haven’t seen day light in so long but this place has what seems to be some ruined civilization”
Wow! Gosh but why only us?? Oh! I’m so sorry for being rude my name is……..BAM!!! What the hel…..”We have to go NOW!” What was that?!?! “No time to explain, can you stand?!” I think so, help me……BAM!-BAM! “Take my hand! We have to go RIGHT NOW!” URGH!!! As I get up, she takes my arm over her shoulder and we start moving as fast as we can……….BAM!-BAM!-BOOM!!!
I black out I see nothing but white, funny I know “black out” seeing white but that’s what I see and my gosh I feel so peaceful my mind is at rest despite being carried trying to get away from this monster. All the pain I’ve ever felt suddenly disappears......I AM at peace, I’ve found happiness.....THEN! I open my eyes and I’m lying on the floor in my room again, “Where did she go?! Where are the doves?!” That very same monster that was outside my door pounding trying to get in is inside my room going through all of my things, funny thing is I can’t really see it......BAM! the room door slams.....It breathes so heavy, throwing my things around as if it’s trying to find something, what could it be?
I try to move, it hurts and it’s so hard and I have no one to help me anymore, I am alone thinking to myself “Where did she go?” Why am I being tortured like this? What is this monster trying to find? I can’t even get to the Colt I had to put an end to this nightmare, many say I’m strong and I know that strength isn’t only physical BUT for the love of God I am weak mentally, emotionally, I am just tired. How am I supposed to pick myself back up???...
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