Truth

Instead of just trying to "fit in" why not look for what the truth is comprised of and be that, lead by example be positive in an already negative world. Look around you, observe the very basic of things that powers the earth, the important things are very simple all you have to do is observe. There's meaning to life, look within be one with the earth most importantly respect the earth for all it has provided for you.

What has happened?

Man was once one with the Earth and I used "E" for a reason because it is the Earth that nourish us, so use "G" for God but also use "E" for Earth. Like I was saying man lived in harmony with the Earth such a deep connection. Something as simple as looking at the moon and understanding the weather patterns.

Now! Look around you, from immoral to destructive. Governments controlling-brain washing-have societies live in constant debt thus enslaving them-trying their hardest to dumb up societies, it truly is an amazing jump from what we once were to now, what we've become.

Its sad and man now approaches every decision with a "left brain" mentality only thinking about his interest not that of those around him. We're now lead to, actually taught to believe some outside force is going to either save us or have us burn to ashes. We hardly even look each other in the eyes, we prefer "texting" "bbming" "whatsapping" on some digital device.

We and I repeat WE are going to be the reason for our downfall.......

To those who ever reads this and think I'm crazy or whatever well that's Kool


Freedom of speech is FREE, I refuse to have government or any governing party tell me what I can and cannot say further more THINK. 

Ms. Whatever

She causes pain, destroys families, walks with no elegance, takes no pride in her appearance, she is very cunning but somehow she survives on what you ask. How does she survive?  She survives on the strength of whoever she targets, her prey, she will drain that target, that prey, both physically and emotionally fool them into thinking all is well and everything will be ok. You see this is what she does, lift you then drops you HARD only to repeat this over and over driving you to the brink of insanity.

There is an old saying “only the strong will survive” and the very same saying holds true when you come face to face with her, when or if she targets you, her eyes may seem beautiful but when you look deep within, when you really look into her eyes all you see is DARKNESS. I have had a very emotional relationship with her, I embraced her, accepted her for what she is and that is still true even though she has dropped me and gosh she has so hard.

She stood above me whilst just laid there helpless crying and begging for help. She stared into my eyes with no facial expression what so ever and asked me “how does it feel?” she told me “you are weak and pathetic” I slapped her she asked “does that make you feel like a man?” She had the nerve to actually tell me she loves me and she will always be my side. Since then she follows me constantly no matter how much hate and cold I throw her way, she follows me, everywhere I go she goes. I honestly do not know her name so I just call her Ms. Whatever and it is quite possible to survive her attacks with strength and maintaining a positive focus.

After all I did, I love you Ms. Whatever.

Windows

What does a window mean to you? We all see windows every day, we open them when it’s hot, we close them when it’s cold. Is a window just a transparent opening on a wall to allow light through or is there more to a window than meets the eye. Someone once told me we missed the window and I began thinking almost immediately about the true meaning behind that. Believe me I know that window that was missed isn’t the same window I see on the wall but there might be some relation.

Maybe windows can take another form.  As we go through life we make decisions based pretty much on open windows, do this or that, right or wrong, left or right. We can’t open an already closed window, or can we? You see this is what I am trying to wrap my mind around, can I undo a wrong decision? With all that’s said, I know many unanswered questions but I am learning that the lives we are living are completely surrounded by windows both closed, opened and even some that are being opened right this minute.

So next time you pass by, open or close a window just take a second maybe two to think about the importance of that window you’re closing or opening. Life is amazingly filled with windows of all shapes and sizes. 

People....

I am a firm believer in that people enter and leave our lives for a reason, some come into our lives to shower us with love, take care of us and whilst doing so strengthen us by fortifying our foundation that is called "self-confidence"

Then there are those that come into our lives to reek havoc, constantly strike at that very same foundation with the ultimate goal of destroying, they manipulate you, use you....weaken you but little do they know they also strengthen you, how? Well by constantly exposing your flaws, showing you those "weak" points in that built already established foundation.

So for those who prey on the weak, I wish you nothing but the best in what ever pathetic existence you call your life and since it is clear you don't have a foundation to call your own hence why you depend on standing, hopping and walking on the foundation of others good luck some day you will run out of foundations and you WILL fall.

Hall of darkness

Woooooosh! A gust of cold, damp air brushes against my face *sigh* it burns. Where am I? Before me is a long, dark corridor lined with doors on both sides and I ask myself “why? what is this? where am I?” Somehow I’m not afraid and believe me I’ve been to strange places with no idea of how I’m going to find my way home but for some strange, crazy and bizarre reason I am not afraid of what lies ahead. So I walk, I just walk, the light I once had against my back slowly dims until I’m in complete darkness *BAM!!* WTF! What was that? Oh! One of the doors just opened…..*BAM!!* it closes, now that’s strange, still I continue to walk.

With heightened senses, I continue to walk *BAM!!* there it goes again, another door opens only this time it’s right beside me and I feel nothing but cold air, so cold in fact it burns my skin to the point where it hurts. I speed up my pace a little….*BAM!!* it shuts, I continue to walk, whilst doing so I think to myself “why me? I just want to be home” I walk…..I continue to walk. With no end in sight, no light to guide me, no one to talk to, I have to keep moving on….to where? I have not a clue but I have to keep going, I must somehow find the strength to keep walking.

I hear something! I think one of the doors is slowly opening, I can hear it creak, there’s light….WOW! I run to it, my gosh it is bright and warm however I cannot see anything yes I know this is strange but hear me out, it is so bright that it’s blinding. As I stand in front of this opened door wondering if I should enter *BAM!!* it shuts……Darkness!

Life's many mysteries

Sun rises,
Sun sets,
I live life,
No matter how hard,
Life gets

There were once,
This great void,
This hole to be filled,
Silhouette of her,
From smiles,
To laughter

She hugged me,
Ever so often,
When she did,
Magical in every sense,
Who knows,
Maybe past,
Some present tense

Very Depths Of Darkness

I hear such heavy foot steps lugging closer and closer to my room, I am not afraid because what ever is coming towards my room door I think will only set me free. Free from what you ask, hmmmm my dark, morbid
thoughts of not only just suicide but suicide in the worst most groutiest  ways possible.  Some say  no one is worth your  life and whilst this may be true there is another side to the f-ing coin, the side that shows you how much you invest into something, heart, soul, very essence of ones own life. Just as that coin’s side has been scratched, worn and scared is the very same way my suicide will happen, foot steps again, thump-thump-THUMP.

How can some people be so F-ING COLD!!!!!!! Not considering ones feelings, thump-THUMP-THUMP *SIGH* stay with me we don’t have much time. Where was I?? Oh! That’s right some cause so much pain and not even realizing the damage caused, the pain, the stress. Ones life is comprised of dreams, wishes, wants and needs, imagine having that CRUSHED right before your eyes, well that is just what happened to me. So that brings us her….THUMP-THUMP-THUMP sigh it’s here……..BANG-BANG-BANG.

It’s right outside my room door, I can hear it breathing, skips ever so often, I sit here with a razor in one hand and a Colt 45 in the other, should I? Am I too coward to f-ing take my own life, I think I am but why is that? Is it because I think there might be some…..BANG-BANG-BANG!!  There might be some f-ing glimmer of hope, that light at the end of that long dark tunnel . There is no light for me, not now not NEVER.  SMASH!!! So here I am face to face with all of my pain, my worries…………my death…….

What is this place?!....Hello! Anyone there?! God where am I? Just darkness all around me….. nothing or anything in sight, just damp and dark, not to mention cold. I think I’m in a cave of some sort but how and most importantly why….am I dead???.  Oh finally!……there is a glimmer, a little sparkle, what is that?  I think it’s someone with a flashlight, it seems to be approaching me, bobbing around as if that thing or person has to navigate through rubble, maybe stones or rocks anyhow I really don’t care as long as they’re friendly. As that light approaches me I’m thinking to myself “where is this place?” Drip-Drip-Drip as the walls around me cry tears of sorrow.

OW! My wrist hurts, burns so much as if it was on fire *sigh* God where am I? The light goes out…….SHIT! Complete darkness again……Hello! Are you ok?!? Please get up! I need your help…..One minute I’m locked in a room trying to fend of some beast and the next I’m in a dark, damp cave with a burning wrist.  Thank God! The light rises once again as if possessed, either way it doesn’t matter as long as who or whatever it is comes and gives me a helping hand. As the light approaches once more I try to feel my wrist *sigh* I’m cut pretty bad however it feels as if there are stitches…….OW! Man It hurts! Drip-Drip-Drip…………

*Sigh* My life is filled with nothing but pain and sorrow, now I’m in some cave god knows where with some light approaching me ever so slowly.  I’m in pain, I need help and it seems to be taking an eternity to get to me.  I’m weak and tired, no strength what so ever to fight so I just lie in this damp spot with my eyes focused on that light coming towards me.  Where ever I am has to be hell, I’m in pain and alone, I know for sure it can’t be heaven because I’ll be happy but right now I just don’t know what I am……………..

My heart races whilst my lungs fill with fresh air, what happened?? Was I asleep? Sigh, I’ve lost quite a bit of blood, as my sight comes into focus I see that light oh so close. I’m too weak to even call out for help either way that light is within ten feet of me.  Gosh it is so dark, I think it’s someone but who and why the hell are they in this horrible place? I just lie back to gather what little strength I can…Drip-Drip-Drip

As I raise my head once more and look towards that light I can see the silhouette of what might just be a woman……but why?? Hello?! Who are you?! She comes running, “Oh my friend, who I am doesn’t matter right
now, you need help” Oh god thank you so much, where is this place? Why are you here? Why are there two birds on your shoulders???? “Please hold your arm out let me have a look…….oooooh that’s a pretty nasty
cut! Let me wrap it for you friend” Sigh you have no idea how thankful I am for your help………

“No thanks needed friend, for months the only friends I’ve had are these two beautiful doves, they’ve guided me through so much but it is finally good to have someone to talk to” Gosh they’re beautiful ! “Thanks!, One minute I’m in the hospital going through so much pain and the next minute I’m here in this place, of course that was months ago since I arrived and I’ve been searching for a way to get back home” Very similar to what happened to me, but why? “That I’ve been trying to figure out since, I haven’t seen day light in so long but this place has what seems to be some ruined civilization”

 Wow! Gosh but why only us?? Oh! I’m so sorry for being rude my name is……..BAM!!! What the hel…..”We have to go NOW!” What was that?!?! “No time to explain, can you stand?!” I think so, help me……BAM!-BAM! “Take my hand! We have to go RIGHT NOW!” URGH!!! As I get up, she takes my arm over her shoulder and we start moving as fast as we can……….BAM!-BAM!-BOOM!!!

I black out I see nothing but white, funny I know “black out” seeing white but that’s what I see and my gosh I feel so peaceful my mind is at rest despite being carried trying to get away from this monster. All the pain I’ve ever felt suddenly disappears......I AM at peace, I’ve found happiness.....THEN! I open my eyes and I’m lying on the floor in my room again, “Where did she go?! Where are the doves?!” That very same monster that was outside my door pounding trying to get in is inside my room going through all of my things, funny thing is I can’t really see it......BAM! the room door slams.....It breathes so heavy, throwing my things around as if it’s trying to find something, what could it be?

I try to move, it hurts and it’s so hard and I have no one to help me anymore, I am alone thinking to myself “Where did she go?” Why am I being tortured like this? What is this monster trying to find? I can’t even get to the Colt I had to put an end to this nightmare, many say I’m strong and I know that strength isn’t only physical BUT for the love of God I am weak mentally, emotionally, I am just tired. How am I supposed to pick myself back up???...

Cave

.ever stood in a cave all alone whilst it crumbled right before you, right around you? with you having no intention what so ever to move because why try, what’s the point in trying because every ounce of your intellect tells you it makes no sense.  The falling stones hurt, they hurt so much…stings – burns but you don’t move you take the hits, YOU stand there watching it not only fall but your very own skin bleed. Gosh it hurts so much but YOU just want to feel some pain, it some how makes YOU feel just a little more human and think how fragile life is, is life what I want? Of course it is! I want to live life, I want happiness not only for me but others around me, my life has taken such a toll on me, so much so it threw me into sickness. Sickness right now is beside the point, the point is I am standing alone in a cave that is crumbling around me, slowly tearing me apart and I mean literally TERAING me apart. I don’t move I just stand there gosh its as if I’m being erased...